this is the poem that my poem is based on
"A Poem for my 43rd Birthday"
To end up alone
in a tomb of a room
without cigarettes
or wine--
just a light bulb
and a potbelly,
gray haired,
and glad to have
the room.
and you turn over
to your left side
to get the sun
on your back
and out
of your eyes.
----------
My imitation poem
The wind is freezing
my face and the sheer
atmosphere of the
bars and neon lights
advertising beer
and a dark room for
you to drink it in
is even colder.
My shoes fill up with snow
My coat is torn and
I want to go back
to my cold bed
and my cold apartment
and be alone there
instead
This is a really interesting poem. I like how you mimicked both the style and some of the topic used in the original poem. The only thing that seems odd is the ending, I don't know if you meant this or not but it seems as though it just doesn't want to end comfortably were it does, but overall I really liked it.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with Maggie. The ending is not how I expected it to come out happening. But also like she said, the topics that you had that related to the original were excellent, and you could also tell that it was somewhat parallel.
ReplyDeleteI disagree with Maggie. I thought it was a good ending to a good poem. The style and topic were very similar to Bukowski and I thought the ending was a good way to end the somewhat depressing poem.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Matt that the ending was a perfect fit to this ironic poem. The style was very similar to Buckowski's and I really like it. Excellent.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Matt too I liked the ending a lot. I liked the rest of the poem too. I think you did a good job of mocking Buckowski's poem in both the style and sort of concept. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteYou did a really good job with this. Your emulation defiantly used a lot of the style your adopted poet uses. Great job reading today!
ReplyDelete